The Youth

Recently I graciously accepted the opportunity to attend a service-learning trip abroad in Rwanda. For the first few weeks of my summer, I had planned to collaborate with a tech school from Hong Kong, PolyU, my class of 3 had been communicating with all semester. My university's goal was to leverage our semester-long focus on community assessment, ethics in global development, bridging the digital divide + facilitating with cross-cultural competencies.

All these things sound fabulous on paper. In all actuality, I found the practice very challenging. Navigating three cultures (my university team, Hong Kong affiliates + Rwandan locals); getting beyond my first-world, self-centered, western-centric perspective to connect + promote collaboration; using outhouses + waste baskets to dispose toilet tissue paper; purely appreciating food for nourishment and not enjoyment; working 12 hour work days in remote areas. I could b**** and moan, and generate an impressively annoying list fussing about how my comfort levels were challenged. And how I was implanted into a foreign space were I did not speak the language, where I was not connected to the pain these people had collectively endured + continue to endure. How I did not belong.

When I take an additional second, to yet again exercise this new practice of stepping outside of myself + my own bullsh**, I realize my expectations did me in. I expected to go to leave my country and connect to a continent that I assume I had originated from. That somewhere, and at some point, someone who has contributed to me existence here, had walked and lived across this equator strapped land and that I would be there... And that I would experience a sense of... I don't know, grand realization. Enlightenment. A sort of mental ring where I feel clarity, and openness, and some personal conceived notion of the overly-used and diluted idea "authentic". That I would look people in the eye, see someone more connected to "Blackness" than I, and that I would be welcome arms open into a space where "the developing nations are getting it right!" where inclusiveness were the norm. Where I would feel more myself.

Hindsight--what a terribly immature, surface, self-centered way to enter another persons space.

I made the trip about me. About my enlightenment, my growth, my impact, my connection to Africa, the people... And to be easy on myself, I can say we do all things for our self... Or rather that we travel for ourselves. I had a conception that I was doing a selfless act going into Rwanda, and would leave feeling like a conquered something. That I would identify issues, connect with the people, get the real, and make it all better. "Make it all better". Wow.

Instead... I realized very quickly that community is complex. That change is slow. Before arriving I recognized that I would not be making a grand revolution in my short two weeks there. I had no idea that in my time there that I would question if what I was doing had value. That if what I was doing was a tremendous waste of resources + time. That if our initiatives were misguided + short-sighted.

These looming questions clouded much of time there. At times led me to disengage. And to be honest, I'm still processing a lot of it. It's opening my eyes to the complexities of me... So badly would I want to say... "Gee! I went to Africa, brought solar panels + computers! And now look! They're reading scores are boosted and based off of our assessments, the children are expected to graduate primary school reading + writing in their native language + English!"

When in actuality the bulk of the resources we brought were a challenge to read for the bulk of the more educated bunch we interacted with. That literacy in their native language spotty... Completely overlooking their English skills. We brought them resources, databases, machines that were arguably impossible to navigate.

Open my eyes to the system I was in. A service learning trip sponsored by donors who were more committed to the education of students than the legitimate growth of a community. The growth of the community was a near afterthought. A plus to the learning they were hoping their investment was given to facilitate. 

Throughout the trip I questioned, and raised these points, and shared in frustration that this was pointless. Insinuating that our motives were somehow better Not realizing the commitment parties beyond me had made to this community for years before my 2 week consideration. Not considering how the community had perceived the impact. Not considering that I would go home, and presumably never look back.

My trip's focus was to ask questions, dig deep and think about things as critically as possible. Unearthing the fact that I knew so very little... About myself + how little I was aware of my motivations. How little practice I had stepping outside myself to consider another. How little I know about the world outside myself + my small, lived experience. But above all, it helped me realize where my passion for community involvement is best suited.

In DC. In a pair of Doctor Marten shoes. Wearing an interesting combination of clashing textures + patterns. Engaging with creative communities. Facilitating conversations on identity. Curating content. Space making.

I titled this post "The Youth". They were another of my greatest takeaways. Before I traveled outside the country for the first time I had an idea to take portraits of as many locals as possible. To capture their eye contact. Their body language. Style. Hair + skin textures. Their mood, vibe, disposition. To capture humanity. Through my eyes, and hopefully my evolving understanding of beauty + life. I saw a lot of that in the youth on my trip. I think what I'm really looking for is a sense of myself. In the eyes of the youth I saw joy + contentment. A thirst for life and discovery. Innocence, connected-ness + humilty. In a few adults I saw resilience, acceptance.

A lot of my thoughts are still in limbo. I feel like this entire post in a messy limbo. Scattered and all over the place. And I'm okay with that. I've accepted I'll be processing for a few more months, a year... Who knows. It's tough... "A blog post about Rwanda!". I want to put a bow on the idea of my trip. And leave things with some resolved, shining pop of hope + clarity or acceptance... Because of course you should show your gratitude for your trip to Africa. But yes, I am thankful. And would probably do the entire thing all over again. But I don't have any of that. Any of that... I don't know... Resolve? And I'm cool with it, I guess.